While I work with teens, parents often come to me with questions like: What is my kid watching on their phone all day? Why do they ask for independence but avoid responsibilities? When I try to give advice, why do they get angry with me?

 

Why do teenagers seem to be struggling more now than ever before?

 

A study by the American Psychological Association has found intensifying emotional challenges among U.S. adolescents. Teens often express stress around community violence, the state of the world, self-comparison on social media, and the pressure to figure out their futures.

 

Also, this generation of teens spent critical childhood years socially distancing, trying to learn math as well as social skills from behind a screen. After COVID-19, these kids grew into teens who may still feel uncomfortable at school and connecting with peers.

 

Here’s an exercise to help you enter the mind of a teen. Imagine you’re a 15-year-old named Alex, and trying to keep up with school, but it can be hard to focus. Sometimes you miss important parts of class, but it feels too embarrassing to tell the teacher. Academics are so important to your parents; each test and report card makes you feel like a failure.

 

After a long school day, you’re overwhelmed and just want to escape by gaming. In games, you talk to friends, blow off steam, and it’s also one of the only things you feel good at. As you unwind, your parents get upset with you for “wasting your time gaming,” you feel so frustrated and misunderstood that you yell right back. 

 

During the pre-teen and teen years, according to research by the University of California, our brains are especially sensitive to intense emotions, and we haven’t fully developed our ability to “hit the brakes” and consider the long-term consequences.

 

Teens, just like adults, struggle to communicate their feelings when they are overwhelmed. Emotions like shame, anxiety, or low self-esteem can make us feel vulnerable, and instead they come out as anger or shutting down. Parents may feel pushed away by teens in the moments when they need the most support and reassurance.

 

In these moments, meeting teens with a curious and caring attitude can help them make sense of their emotions, new experiences, and their developing sense of themselves.

 

If your teen struggles or refuses to go to school, expresses feelings of hopelessness, or causes injury to themselves, they might need mental health support. Teens who are struggling to maintain their relationships with people they care for, or who often make risky or impulsive choices, could also benefit from help. If you’re interested in learning more, please contact us at Wakefield-Adolescent-IOP@montefiore.org.

 

Olivia Derella, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist with Montefiore Medical Center’s Adolescent Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), serving youth aged 12-17 years old. The program offers after-school group therapy three days per week, individual therapy, and medication management for teens. A lunchtime virtual parenting group is available for caregivers.